you can't cook a steak with a spark

Disclaimer: this is another "guys and gals" post. I just can't help it.

I've been reading a book called Sacred Sex, by Tim Alan Gardner. It's an amazing book. While the title of the book is about - well, read the title - this blog post isn't about that. Well, it is. But it's not. Stay with me here.


The book talks about "Oneness", "my mate only", "what women and men want out of sex". As I've been processing this book (which I'm reading as part of my small group), I've been thinking of my own journey toward marriage (hopefully one day) and how my current thought process influences this journey.

1. is there a basic attraction? (i hate to use the word spark here, but I can't think of a better one.)
2. common interests?
3. common ministry / goals? *
4. do you see this person helping you get to your life goals? And you helping them get to theirs?
5. #4 requires that you know your life goals. do you?
6. the person you marry today may not (will not) look like a 20-something beach babe
7. the person you marry for sure won't look like a 20-something beach babe in 30 years. or 40. or 50.
8. you probably don't look like a 20-something beach babe either. and you won't at 50, 60, 70 years old.
9. spark? what spark? It's there and now it's gone. Yes -- it's a spark. That's what sparks do.
10. what are you doing to fan the flames that will burn bluer, longer, and hotter? They don't "just happen" -- they take cultivation, nurturing, effort, and long term commitment.
11. marriage is like a steak. and you can't cook a steak with a spark. it takes a looked-after, poked-at hot-burning-coals-kind-of-fire.
12. in today's culture I really do think we're addicted to sparks. We go from person to person sparking each other and then move on as soon as the spark runs its course. This is child's play. I wonder what would happen if we put more emphasis on items 3 through 12 instead of so much focus on items 1 and 2?
13. life is short - very very short, so let's get moving.

* this assumes the non-negotiable of sharing a common Faith.