(From a single woman to the single men:)
Why are you dating us? If it's for a good time or a social companion, fine. If it's for the purpose of finding a potential spouse, even better. But either way (and anything in between) please define it. And define it early and often, as the relationship changes and grows. Don't leave us guessing or put us in the awkward place of having to bring it up first.
Give us more than just a couple dates. Some of us are shy and unsure. But even if we're not shy and unsure, we're also not going to let you see the "real me" until we know we can trust you with that info. Show us that you are safe and trustworthy and we'll open up.
When you protect us, that needs to include, most importantly, our heart. It's our job to protect our hearts, too, so please know you don't bear that responsibility on your own. And it's our job to help protect your heart by being sincere and honest with you.
When you define things for us, you set us free to enjoy the experience of dating you and the parameters help immensely in keeping our hearts appropriately paced with the progress or status of the relationship.
We've all bought into the current culture's model (demand) of physical beauty and good looks. No, really, we all have. Women just as much as men. So can we agree to and encourage each other to remember to look through that physical body (not ignoring it) to the heart and mind? Can we all agree that after a kid or two or a couple decades that body will most likely look very different? The heart and mind will continue to grow, while the body will (rather quickly) deteriorate. Are your physical "requirements" realistic, given this inevitability?
Every (non platonic) physical touch has an emotional tie to our heart. The more intimate the touch the deeper the tie. This is a beautiful thing with appropriate (and verbalized) commitment. It's a very scary thing without and can bring about deep insecurity and confusion. Understand that you have no idea what these heart stings feel like or how strong they are, so just trust us when we say they are there and very real. I may even say a woman's desire for emotional intimacy and security is as strong as a man's desire for sex.
Feedback welcome. And the huge assumptions surrounding this piece are shamelessly admitted to and provided upon request.
And thank you to the men out there who are aware of and doing these things. You're my heroes.
2 comments:
Amen sister! Bravo for speaking your heart. It needs to be said. Thank you!
Well, let me weigh in with a word or more to the men in the audience, to whit, why is it that any American male over the age of ten or so won't abide being called a "boy" in any circumstance but one: dating? In that instance, the "man" becomes a "boy"friend, no matter if he is 19, 25, 35, 45, or creaking along at my age of 62. May I submit...heck, may I bluntly lay it out: if you're much over 18 and are somebody's "boy"friend, then man up and figure out what you are doing with the woman you are dating. And what a man should be doing is guiding the relationship toward a clear commitment to marriage, or realize that is not the right call and back off to a non-romantic friendship, or less. If all you're doing is milking the relationship for the benefits of companionship or worse, sex, then frankly, you deserve the term "boy" for you are no man. Thus saith the dad.
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