She gave

I hurried down the street

Alison Krauss playing through my earbuds

Stresses from customer demands

And company pressures

Tangling my thoughts and joy.

Why does life have to be so hard?

I thought as I walked to pick up

My meal. Nice boots clicking on

The pavement, new skirt swishing

In the breeze.

How am I going to handle this stress?

Can one person meet these

Demands of boss and customer all

In a day? My eyes on my feet and

The questions taking control.

I look up to cross the street and

Our eyes meet. Her cloudy eyes

In a disfigured face, her limp on

A deformed body. Clothes dirty and

Crumpled, hat askew.

She smiled. At me. We were from

Two completely different planets

Passing at the same second, the

Same brick, the same street light.

She smiled. And she gave.

She gave to me a sign of joy. She gave

Warmth on a cold blustery day. She

Gave from her nothing to me who has

Everything and I took. I took her smile

And sealed it in my heart.

A seal to remember that I received from her

Who had nothing to give. A seal to remind

Me that I always have joy and warmth and

And a smile to give, even if the day wears

Me out. I have much to give.

the whisper of his grace

He makes all things new
In the midst of my failure
He raises me above it all

His grace makes small my mistakes
And His mercy overlooks my guilt
I am made new

He asks me to walk away from the mess I helped create
Draws me away by His great whisper
To leave behind the heap
That I am inclined toward

His healing grace a dart into my soul
And His breath washing me clean from enemy's filth

But I want to go back
To the heap
To the muddy puddle
Forgetting that a King's playground awaits

Energies directed and spent in focus of the smallness
     I am owed by another
Forgetting the enormity of my dept wiped clean
     by His breath on me
And the higher places to which He beckons
By the whisper of His grace

By the whisper of His grace
I am drawn into His space
Letting go of what I want to cling to


found recently in an old journal, written in March 2011

sometimes hope

sometimes hope
strings me along
asks for audacious trust

i find myself
reluctant to hope
a wispy cloud on the horizon

we're told to hope
for things unseen
in the heavenlies and here on earth

i want to hope
but i don't
i don't want to put my heart on the line

sometimes hope
seems a mocking
cruel, disappointing, shallow friend

sometimes hope
calls us into a
vast wilderness of trust and faith

sometimes hope
burns brightly
sometimes barely flickers like a small flame on an old fire.

written for a friend, with echoes from my own heart.

advent - day 4

The wolf shall dwell with the lamb,
and the leopard shall lie down with
the young goat,
and the calf and the lion and the
fattened calf together;
and a little child shall lead them.
The cow and the bear shall graze;
their young shall lie down together;
and the lion shall eat straw like an ox.

The nursing child shall play over the
hole of the cobra,
and the weaned child shall put his
hand on the adder's den.
They shall not hurt or destroy
in all my holy mountain;
for the earth shall be full of the
knowledge of the LORD
as the waters cover the sea.

In that day the root of Jesse, who shall stand as a signal for the peoples - of him shall the nations inquire, and his resting place shall be glorious.

Isaiah 11:6-10

advent - day 3

There shall come forth a shoot from
the stump of Jesse,
and a branch from his roots shall bear
fruit.
And the Spirit of the LORD shall rest
upon him,
the Spirit of wisdom and
understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and might,
the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of
the LORD.

He shall not judge by what his eyes see,
or decide disputes by what his ears
hear,
but with righteousness he shall judge
the poor,
and decide with equity for the meek
of the earth;
and he shall strike the earth with the rod
of his mouth,
and with the breath of his lips he shall
kill the wicked.
Righteousness shall be the belt of his
waist,
and faithfulness the belt of his loins.

Isaiah 11: 1-5

advent - day 2

For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his
shoulder,
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of his government and
of peace
there will be no end.,
on the throne of David and over his
kingdom,
to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
from this time forth and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do
this.

Isaiah 9:6-7

advent - day 1

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. He shall eat curds and honey when he knows how to refuse the evil and choose the good.

For before the boy knows how to refuse the evil and choose the good, the land whose two kings you dread will be deserted. The LORD will bring upon you and upon your people and upon your father's house such days as have not come since the day that Ephraim departed from Judah -- the king of Assyria. 

Isaiah 7:14-17

follow

I follow Him who helps me exchange a path of fear and hesitation
for a road to skate down, Walter Mitty-style,
the sun beaming on my back.

I follow Him who makes breakfast on the beach,
feeding stomach and restoring soul.

I follow Him who welcomes this elder-brother,
three-year-old-tantrum-thrower
into the party,
out of the cold, into the warmth.

I follow Him who sheds His grace
on me even when I tell Him
I don't like him much. 

I follow Him who will one day make
everything right and good and
beautiful in its time.

I follow Him who will one day help
these dim eyes see the new city and eternal glory.

obedience + trust

I used to think trust was an emotion.
A thought. A pleasant little something. 
Hot-oatmeal-in-your-tummy, warm fuzzies.
It sort of happened on a sunny day, when
Hope felt near and the horizon beckoned.
 
But now I know is it sometimes just
a raw obedience. One foot in front of the other.
Even when you don't know how you're going
to do that job. Or let go of that thing you want.
Or say that thing you don't want to say.

The Sometimes has turned into a Season.
And a season into a year.
And a year into a lifetime.

 
I wonder if these steps, one tiny step after the other,
will take me right to Heaven's door without a fulfilling of
what I see is best. Will I keep putting my feet forward?
Keep on the path in front of me? When obedience is raw,
weighty, and almost crushing.

Oh that I would carry the weight of trust
with the help of Him who has brought me
here thus far. That I would do this job, and let
go of that thing, and say that word. And let my
heart be beckoned to the next unfamiliar horizon.

Step to horizon.
Horizon to season.
Season to year.

Heaven

will be where you will have:

the perfect bag
the perfect notebook
the perfect pen

to fit every occasion. just one of each. adaptable, convenient, sturdy and elegant.

until I get to eternity, my search will continue.