Krista, when life seems bigger than you are, read this:

Matthew 6: 25-34
Matthew 10: 29-31
Ephesians 3: 14-21
Philippians 4: 4-9
II Peter 1: 2
I Peter 5: 6-11
Psalm 139

Justice Scalia on the US Constitution

Listen to the end.

Great Expectations

The morning finds me here at heaven's door
A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God himself is seated on
And I I've been invited as a son
Oh I I've been invited to come and

Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord I come with great expectations

So wake the hope that slumbers in my soul
Stir the fire inside and make it glow
I'm trusting in a love that has no end
The savior of this world has called me friend
And I I've been invited with the son
Oh I I've been invited to come and

We've been invited with the son
And we've been invited to come and

Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond our wildest imagination
Lord we come with great expectations

by Steven Curtis Chapman

Black Bean Soup

1 pkg dried black beans
1 large onion
6-8 cloves garlic
1 quart chicken broth
1 can of stewed tomatoes
1 pkg turkey kielbasa

Boil the beans for 10 minutes and pour out water. Replace with 3 quarts of fresh water and add chicken broth. Add chopped onion, crushed garlic, and tomatoes. Bring to a hard boil and simmer for 2-3 hours. Check water periodically to ensure there is sufficient water remaining. Saute the kielbasa until warmed through and add to the beans about 30 minutes prior to taking beans off the heat. Take beans off the heat when the beans are soft, but before they turn mushy. Add salt at the end, so it doesn't absorb and lose flavor.

Serve with cornbread.

"Everything is necessary that he sends. Nothing can be necessary that he withholds." John Newton

By Your Side

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

by Tenth Avenue North

Playing w/ photos

Are career and family in the godly woman's life mutually exclusive?

Frustrated? part 4

Here's where I think my frustration lies:

For all appearances, it may look like I've chosen career over family (or a relationship). I spend my day at the computer and on the phone. I project plan, tell other people what to do, do what other people tell me to do, etc. I am not supporting a husband or raising kids. In fact, I would most likely give a blank stare if asked a question about child behavior or how many ounces are in a cup.

I have not chosen the career path. It is the path that has been chosen for me (for now?). I'm pursuing it because it's what is in front of me. It's what I've been called to do.

But is the career path something I will just "throw off" as soon as the right guy comes along and the kids show up? I think not. Shouldn't what I do now comprise of WHO I am? What I was designed to do? I don't think what God has gifted me to do will completely stop (or be considered irrelevant) when family comes along. Family should be incorporated into what God has called me to do. And what I've been called to do will rightly and beautifully fit with what my husband will be called to do. Together we will more effectively do work in God's Kingdom. Together we will more effectively do what He's called us to do. But for now, what I'm called to do is better done as a single. And that's a good thing. It's exciting.

So I may look like the career woman, the feminist, the "I control my own life and I'm doing with it what I want." But that is a superficial and incorrect assumption of who I am. I am a woman of God, daughter of the King, serving in His kingdom, doing this job at hand to the best of my ability, until I'm called to the next job. I live not for myself - I was created by Him and for Him and to serve in His kingdom - single or married.

Frustrated? part 3

Singleness seems to be a curse or ailment in our current culture. The culture seems to be centered around couples and twos. But what if singleness is not a curse? Or an ailment? What if it is more like an outfit or uniform? Something that is worn for a season for a particular job/task/work and later on exchanged for the outfit of marriage? Later exchanged when we are then better suited for serving God alongside someone else rather than with Him alone.

Carrying this thought further, the outfit doesn't define us, it is merely ornamental or functional. Our identity is in who we are as a person, not in our outfit; in our personhood, not our relational status. I am kmac if I wear jeans and mud boots or if I wear a skirt and heels (that is not a parallel comparison between singleness and marriage, so don't even get started down that path).

"kmac, you have work to do for Me, and this work is better done with you being single than with you being married. So get busy, get to work, complete the job at hand and trust Me with the rest. When you complete this task, you'll be ready for the next. And I'll supply the perfect outfit for the job to be done."

Frustrated? part 2

A series of annoying thoughts (and recognizing that I may be doing the get-too-personal-on-my-blog thing)...

• I'm wondering (and frustrated) about this apparent fork in the road somewhere back in time for me.
• Does the fork in the road back then necessarily preclude me from meeting/seeing my match now?
• Another annoying thought: "why bother with the career and education if all you were designed to do was raise kids and make meals?"
• And if all a woman was designed to do is have/raise kids, I guess that means I've missed out, am missing out on what I was designed to do? Like my life doesn't start until I get married? Something about this doesn't add up.
• Yet another nagging thought: "am I too far down the career path?" Aren't a lot of guys turned off from the "career woman"? Are they going to be intimidated that I have a good career, that I have a master's degree (almost), that I love the world of business and see it as my field of missions? That I don't equate marriage with the beginning of a meaningful life?
• Was the Proverbs 31 woman's husband intimidated by her business(es), her people management, her involvement in the community? Did she struggle with fitting into cultural expectations?
• Oh - and just how does one balance young kids and career simultaneously? I have yet to see both done well. I tend to think that at least for a time the outside-the-home vocation must be shelved for a time while the kids are tiny-small-medium sized.
• Are my struggles unique? weird? a turn-off?
• And is it really a fork in the road? Or do I have the wrong model in my head?

So readers, forgive my random ramblings that edge toward the cheesy. Running the race...

There is work to be done

1. wrap up school
2. catch up with old friends
3. research the economic consequences of 40 mil missing people (in the US alone) from abortion
4. research feminism and it's long-term effects on family, male/female relationships, economics, etc
5. research "effectiveness" of diversity programs - do they really do what they were designed to do?
6. volunteer with the 100 club
7. get photography business off the ground, including website
8. book/movie discussions and/or art and poetry share night
9. start a business plan for a therapy riding school for kids
10. ride alot

I'm looking forward to having my free time back!

Frustrated?

I think I'm frustrated that there seems to be an antithesis, or at least significant tension, between pursuing the career while also desiring to be a wife and mom. The two just don't seem to fit together.

The season/path I am in/on is the career. I have been given and taken career opportunities and there are bound to be new ones in the future. I am pursuing them with everything in me.

But during my pursuit, I can't help but think that I met a fork in the road somewhere back there between career and family and (not really out of choice) I'm running down the first. All the while I run down the career path I have lingering (and sometimes annoying) thoughts that this path isn't compatible to what is expected of a Christian-thirty-something woman. Shouldn't I be at home with kids making dinner for the husband when he gets home from work? Or something like that...?

I look around and... there's my computer (and Mr. Darcy). There is a job, a career, a boss to work for, and projects to complete.

I recently heard that singles should run hard toward the opportunities that God has given them and utilize their singleness for His Kingdom as effectively as they can. And if they look over and see that person running alongside them down the same path, they should get married. I like this.

So in the midst of my frustrated thoughts, I'll keep running. As I run, I'll pray for clarity and resolution for my frustrated thoughts and throw expectations to the wind. And let God prompt me to look left or right in His timing.

Be still and know

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is holy
Be still, O restless soul of mine
Bow before the Prince of peace
Let the noise and clamor cease
Be still

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is faithful
Consider all that he has done
Stand in awe and be amazed
And know that He will never change
Be still

Be Still, and know that He is God
Be Still, and know that He is God
Be Still, and know that He is God

Be Still; Be speechless

Be still and know that he is God
Be still and know he is our Father
Come rest your head upon his breast
Listen to the rhythm of his unfailing heart of love
Beating for His little ones
Calling each of us to come
Be still, Be still

by Steven Curtis Chapman

I want

1. to hike Oak Creek Canyon top to bottom
2. to go cross-country skiing on the mountain
3. to go down-hill skiing with the Browns, Ripleys, Goodsells, and Harolds.
4. to go visit the Goodwins gang in Vermont
5. to walk the Freedom Trail in Boston
6. to go to the Museum of Art in Chicago
7. to visit Green Ridge Farm in VA
8. to go hiking in Ireland
9. to go riding in Ireland
10. to go shopping in Ireland

In The Hands Of God

We have raised our hopes and our cities high
We have followed fragile dreams
But only One could take the measure of our goals
And we've stumbled over the trials of life
And we've wrestled the unseen
But only One can calm the storm inside our souls

In the hands of God we will fall
Rest for the restless, and the weary
Hope for the sinner
In the hands of God we stand tall
Hands that are mighty to deliver
Giving us freedom

When our strength gave way to the weight of guilt
'Til we strained for every breath
Only One could lift our shame and make us well
And when all is finished and we face
The fearsome power of death
Only One has overcome the gates of hell

You're amazing
You're amazing, You are
And we praise You, Lord
For what Your hands have done

by The Newsboys

Riding Fun

Eryn and I riding Beau and Wilbur in the Lampassas River.