2014 in Review

A few things I learned / experienced this past year:

1) God is working in the background, rolling out His plan, even (especially) when we think He's completely forgotten or doesn't care.
2) You can't change people. But you can encourage them and show them dignity.
3) I have the cutest and sweetest horse in the world. 
4) I really like Ford F150 trucks. Especially the one in my name. It is a gift.
5) I have some really good friends. They encourage me to be a better person and they challenge me.
6) I don't know how I could love a Doodlebug more than I already do. (He is currently at my feet as I type this.)
7) Flagstaff Arizona in October is probably my most favorite and familiar place / time to be. Ever.
8) Work will always be hard this side of eternity. May I learn to come at it hungry, humble and enthusiastic.
9) The book Unbroken may be the best book I've read in a long time. Warning: don't read it on a plane, your fellow passengers will wonder why there are tears streaming down your face.
10) I have the cutest nephews in the world. Seriously, they are the best. I'm so glad I get to be Ankie Tae in their lives.
11) Hope really is the anchor for our soul.
12) I love being Auntie K to about dozen other kiddos. I've loved our barn days, hikes, and time together this past year, and I'm hoping for a whole lot more this coming year.
13) Love is strenuous. Christian love doesn't give up on people. It's very much like running a race. You stick with it. ~ Tim Keller
14) I don't ever want to go back to Chicago in February. Way.Too.Cold.
15) I'm missing New York City. It's been a year since I've been there and I need to go back soon. It's an unlikely love.
16) I may have taken a couple work calls from the back of my horse this past year.
17) His mercies are new every morning. 
18) I really like taking walks. With kiddos, with my dog, with friends. Thankful that Austin has some great trails nearby.
19) I learned to love West Wing and Trader Joe's coffee, thanks to my friend Kim. (They had me captive for two months earlier this year, so I really didn't have a choice...)
20) The Ang Lee version of Sense and Sensibility is probably my most favorite movie of all time.

Never Forget

These photos are from the Peace Officers Memorial in Washington, DC. They were taken by my dad, Gary McCaleb. This dad has shown respect and honor to my dad, William H Murie, and has shown devotion and love to my mom and sisters through the decades, never jealous or threatened by the man gone before him.

Both are the most honorable men I know; the first in giving his life in honor, and the second in living his life in honor.

Both are my heroes. 

one person

one person
tall but small

courage to shove the worry aside
block it at the door
no entering in

in life's dark and rattling moments
You bring courage and put me where
and when
You want me

feeling unprepared and
awkward and inept
Your words flow
Your grace floods through

in my smallness
You give me with courage
and grace and truth

help me be small in worry
and tall in what is good

I am just a tall and small person
but willing
willing for You to move me
and use me and put me where
courage and grace and truth
will change me and
lend hope to those I touch

You are all I need

So, I'm not a feminist - part 9

Kevin Williamson's latest NRO article is brilliant. Below are a couple excerpts:

Thus do the champions of diversity and women’s autonomy reveal themselves: If a woman believes that perhaps Barack Obama and Harry Reid are doing the country more harm than good — if a woman believes that lower taxes are in fact a pretty important issue — that’s not a disagreement: It’s a sign that something is “wrong with you.” Pro-choice? Sure, but not when it comes to your politics — on that subject, the Left is as anti-choice and ruthlessly conformist as it is possible to be.

Who do Americans want to be when they grow up? Do women aspire to a life like Julia’s, or to one more like that of Lieutenant Colonel Joni Ernst? Would you rather be a sanctimonious sack of woe, like Wendy Davis, or a happy warrior, like Mia Love? Would you rather vote for a party that speaks to you as a citizen, family member, entrepreneur, taxpayer, etc. — or one that insists you owe it not only your vote but your obedience simply because you have a certain configuration of chromosomes or a certain surname?

It is one of life’s little ironies that it is the feminists and the party of so-called women’s issues who in the 21st century still have not quite figured out that women are individuals, and that there is more to them than the sum of their parts.

Read more of the article here. 

Submit, again

 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. James 4:7-8 

Satan doesn't have to convince you and me to do his will for our life. He only has to tempt us to demand our own. God has something bigger for each of us than our human minds can hug. Something eternal. Something that will still matter when our bones have turned to heaps of dust.

• God knows everything about you and every matter concerning you. Nothing is hidden from His sight. So submit to God.
• He is always looking out for your ultimate good and takes your hurts personally. So submit to God. 
• He is holy and worthy and incapable of abusing His divine authority over you. So submit to God. 
• He knows when your motive was right but your mouth messed up. So submit to God. 
• He knows exactly how to work terrible into good. So submit to God. 
• He loves you completely and unconditionally and will never let you go. So submit to God. 
• He knows the well-deliberated plan for your life and how all things must fall into place for you to fulfill your destiny. So submit to God. 
• He will never put to shame those who trust in Him. So submit to God. 

from Beth Moore's study on James

Submit

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. James 4:7-8

Put your sweet self under God.
Entirely.
No arms and legs kicking out to the sides.
Knees to the floor.
Eyes to the skies.
Hands open wide.
Death to your pride.
Here we run aground on the reason the Devil flees.
He doesn't flee from us, Beloved.
He runs from God who is standing right there over us every time we submit.
Take off your shoes.
That's holy ground.

from Beth Moore's study on James

Unseen to seen

a burning gold strand
cuts across the dark scape
a glimmer in a sea of unseen

a glimmer of what could be
but is not
not yet

the dying yellow
fades into Winter's grasp
but rises again

rises again in Spring's
new birth
over and over

this green to gold
and gold to Winter's
unseen but crushing cold

one day this green will
never again fade
but will rise

a burning gold strand
to a gold crown
set on a Head worthy

a Hope that will turn
the dark to light
the unseen to seen

Psalm 119:105

Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path.

 And basically the entirety of Psalm 119.

Stepping out

Stepping out into the pink-grey dawn
A new morning and a new day
Young and fragile as a newborn
But built for potential and strength

Add caption

Aspen trees swaying gently in the early breeze
Their leaves tinkering out a heavenward song
They greet me in the young light
And call forth my potential

Potential - what a strange word
A presence not yet present
A being not yet built
But all the plans and hopes and dreams
Fully there and ready to spring

Spring into life
Like this brand new day
Created to embrace the Sun in its rising
Beckoned to put sinews and ligaments to work

To work - to bring to life potential
To bring to life grace given in a needed moment
To give strength at a moment of weakness
Hope where a dark thought would reign

As the grey, fragile morning dawns
My own fragility comes to life
For one more day
Of potential, grace, strength, hope
And an embrace of the Son. 

Grace

Each believer is the miraculous result of God's intervention in his or her life, a sign that points heavenward to the incomparable wonder of his irresistible grace. That grace will never fail the believer, for his destiny has been established by him who prayed, "Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory."

~ Dr. Stuart Sacks, Hebrews through a Hebrew's Eyes

I would add: every person is welcome to become a believer and walk into the unchangeable and powerful grace of God.

Seriously. Missing Them.

Missing

these fine little men.

nephews

The McGary Gang have been in Texas for the past month or so and I'm in heaven (if not also a little worn out). A few cherished memories:

• evening walks with the boys, answering their non-stop "why" questions
• making morning mugs (this drink of choice is appropriate at any time of the day)
• watching How To Tame Your Dragon at least 12 times in the last two weeks
• playing in the sprinkler to their loud delight. I strategically man the hose, so as to not get completely soaked
• gentle nuzzles from Jev-bug
• Smelty Caleb catching my eye and drawing me in with his charm. He's a real charm bucket
• beefy laughs and squeals from Jev-bug as he does his "Cheerio walk" each evening
• horseback rides on Caspian and teaching the boys "whoa" and "walk on"
• reading from the Jesus Storybook Bible and watching their rapt attention
• crazy, loud playtimes with the Turkeydogs and watching friendships develop. I now see how some best-friend-ships do sprout at a young age
• dinner picnics at the barn in the back of the truck
• just living day to day life with these little (big) boys and savoring every moment 

Fall reset

It's the beginning of Fall and almost the turn of another year for me. To celebrate, I'm resetting:

• Bible reading / study before Facebook
• Study of Psalms throughout this Fall
• Facebook only once a day
• Lift weights for 30 min every day or 1 hour every other day (thanks, Jesse!)
• Walk Darcy 5x a week
• Read a technology related article every work day
• Read a technology and / or business related blog every day
• Ride twice a week for dressage practice (one dressage ride and one trail ride counts)
• Cook one new recipe a week

Feel free to ask me how this is going in a month or so.

Engaging people, part 2

On the back of this earlier post, here are some questions to take conversations deeper within the context of close friends and community:

• What is your greatest source of joy, right now, in this season of your life. 
• What is this season of your life - can you define it?
• What is the greatest challenge(s) for you right now? 
• Do you have any thing(s) that you know you are "supposed to be about", or would like to accomplish, or know God has placed upon you to do in the next year?
• Is there any way we (as sisters/friends/family) can help in facing your challenges and accomplishing what you have set before you? 

My sister, Eryn, gets credit for these questions. I think they are brilliant, in that they cover the here and now, but also promote looking ahead, which I don't think we do enough of. 

Where my attention and focus should be

To you I lift up my eyes, O you who are enthroned in the heavens! Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he has mercy upon us. (Psalm 123:1-2 ESV)

Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 124:8 ESV)

Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be moved, but abides forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people, from this time forth and forevermore. (Psalm 125:1-2 ESV)

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream. Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad. Restore our fortunes, O Lord, like streams in the Negeb! Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him. (Psalm 126:1-6 ESV)

I have no idea

what it means to be a Christian.

I wake up in quiet, make a cup of tea, check email or facebook, pet my dog, make breakfast...

I don't worry about where my next meal comes from, in fact, it's already in the fridge.

I take for granted simple pleasures of saying a peace-filled goodnight to Mr. Darcy as he lounges next to my bed. In the light of morning I go out to the barn and ride my beautiful young horse. I drive a fancy new truck. I have a closet full of clothes, most of which I rarely wear.

I have no idea what it's like to fear for my life because of my faith. I have no idea what it's like to run in terror, to be a refugee, to be an outcast. I have no idea what it's like to lose absolutely everything because of who I am ethnically or religiously.

I know this is an age-old-problem for believers -- this question of why did God put me here and not there?

And I have no answers, except gratitude, which sometimes feels fake and not enough.

Lord, come quickly. And in the meantime, give me strength and laser-straight focus to pray for my brothers and sisters in persecution, while I'm surrounded and distracted by affluence and comfort.

Perspective

Lately I've been reminded of the importance of perspective. It's hard to keep it and easy to lose it.

• Friends who have lost their beloved pets. Reminds me to cherish the time I have left with mine and laugh at his silly antics and kiss him goodnight and take him for his greatly anticipated daily walks.
• The persecuted church around the world. Reminds me to be grateful I can freely read my Bible and go to church without fear of death.
• Friends with young kids. Reminds me to be grateful for uninterrupted Sunday afternoon naps and outings with friends to Starbucks whenever I want. This is particularly poignant when sometimes the desire for marriage and companionship and family rings so loudly I can't hear much else.
• A difficult season at work. And a reminder from a godly man older than I to stop putting so much attention on what hasn't gone well and instead to focus on what has gone well and areas where I have succeeded.
• A sermon on the end of life. And a reminder to live life hard and fast inside the lines. Take opportunities and don't be afraid and all the while live smartly and with courage.
• A hot Texas summer. A reminder to cherish memories of vacations in cooler countries.

Mr. Darcy about ten years ago.

Melrose Abbey, Scotland

T&K Criminal Investigators, scene 2

These two work in deft and seamless partnership, especially when they are hunting for bugs in the house. Below are exhibits from scene two.

In the event you have a bug infestation, I highly recommend their services.

Engaging people

How good are you at engaging people you don't know in a meaningful and lasting way?

I was recently at a small event (7 people or less) and I was the only person that didn't know the other people (I did know the host). Throughout the course of being in a relatively confined space with each other for several hours, I experienced a lack of engaging questions or an effort on their part to get to know me. In response to my questions about work or "where are you from" I would get short answers and no return volley. I found it very strange. And disappointing, to be honest.

It also got me thinking.

How good are we at getting to know people we just met? Do we see every encounter as an opportunity or just a blip in time to be quickly forgotten? Do we see this human in front of us as just that -- human? Fully made in God's image? Worthy of your time and attention, even if it's just two or three focused minutes.

Here are some questions that could lend to engagement on a simplistic and human level:

Basic questions:

• Where are you from originally?
• What do you do for work?
• What do you do in your free time?
• What is the best / worst vacation you've ever taken?
• What destinations are on your travel list?
• What are three things on your "bucket" list?

More in-depth questions for later: 

• What have you learned lately?
• What have you recently been challenged with?
• What have you recently found success in?
• How would you describe your faith?
• What have you learned about God recently?
• Where would you like to be in 5 years? 10 years?

Now, obviously, circumstances will determine which of the above questions are appropriate or not.  You may not want to ask the "faith question" to a complete stranger at the gas pump. (But then again, maybe that would be completely appropriate!)

Finally, none of this is hard to do -- it's actually really simple. Most people like to talk about themselves and appreciate genuine questions and focus sent their direction. So the next time you're in a setting where strangers reside, pick up one or two questions and see how they land. You just might make someone's day! 

 

Come Thou Fount

Come Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I'm come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for thy courts above.

Hebrews 12: 1-2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Things I've Learned (nothing original)

• You can't change people. I mean, really, you can't. 
• You can only change yourself. 
• If you don't like something about your life, you can change it. 
• Unforgiveness is not worth the price, including when you don't forgive yourself. 
• God typically asks us to wait far longer than we would choose. 
• If given a choice, I don't believe we would choose to wait on anything. 
• God's end result is always very different and so much better than what we would have come up with. 
• Being 30 something is so much better than being 20 something. 
• You have to show your friends a lot of grace, and they have to show you a lot in return. 
• People are always more important than power or money or process or plans or programs or agendas. 
• Everyone has baggage from their past; some have learned to deal with it and put it in its proper place, others are still controlled everyday by it. 
• The more stuff we have, the more we worry about it. 
• The best things in life are really the things you can't buy with money. 
• Life this side of eternity is fragile at best and necessitates clinging onto Something bigger than you are. 

Melrose Abbey

Remembering Scotland part ii

Stonehaven

Stonehaven

Stonehaven

St. Abbs Head

Remembering Scotland

Melrose Abbey

Melrose Abbey

Dryburgh Abbey

Dunottar Castle

Dunottar Castle

Can I please go back?

Fantasy-land, part 1

(heads up: this is a long post.) 

A few months back the singles' class at church did a short dating series. Although the class was only two weeks long, the discussions and facebook article posts have continued for months, due to the obvious interest in the topic.

The premise of the series was "dating is for the purpose of finding a marriage partner". With that premise, the teacher asked us to name the different qualifications and characteristics we look for in people we date, and potentially marry. After about 20 min, there were 40+ items on the white board. Then the teacher asked which items were biblical, in the sense where you could find a verse that clearly defines them. Only three made the cut: Christian, opposite sex, and not married. (Yes, you could argue that other characteristics such as financially secure, attractive, well educated are also Scripturally substantiated,  but for the purpose of his lesson, he kept the main thing the main thing.)

That evening I had a light-bulb moment: we make fantasy-lands out of Scripture to justify how we live or don't live.

This was the start of another journey of healing -- healing from my past of legalism and "I kissed dating goodbye". I literally kissed dating goodbye when I was about 12 (I was probably more like 16) and basically everything else that went along with that, including marriage. In my defense, I didn't know I was throwing the baby out with the bath water. I really thought I was saving myself for marriage. Saving myself from the situation where if I talked to a guy, it would go too far and we might get pregnant. (I'm only exaggerating sightly.)

What I didn't know is in the process of  kissing dating goodbye, I was locking myself down, emotions, body, communication, and yes, trust in God. The focus was on what not to do, instead of what God was calling me to do. It was fear-based, outcome-based, worse-case-scenario-based.

(In my parents' defense, while we attended this legalistic church and they sent us to all the associated youth conferences, they didn't buy into the movement hook, line, and sinker. My dad, especially, saw the legalism and the thinly supported framework. In fact, they even let us have guy friends! And we didn't even get pregnant when we were out building forts and having Bible studies. Miracle of miracles. But I was a very impressionable pre-teen and teen who consciously and subconsciously absorbed the idea that the only thing I should be kissing was dating as it was headed out the door.)

The "I kissed dating goodbye" movement was a fantasy-land built out of extruded verses of Scripture. I believe its original intent was to honor God, but it's motive was ultimately based in fear: "if I do this, this might happen, so I'm not going to do that". It took the focus off of what God wants from us -- to love Him and to love people -- and put it on how to best protect ourselves from the world. We put the burden of protection on ourselves, instead of trusting God with it.

I say "start of a journey of healing" because I think what we experience as kids, we will always have to deal with as adults; but as healthy adults, we put those experiences in their proper place instead of being controlled by them. They may not ever go away, but they will be in the woodshed out back, instead of taking up residence in the living rooms, kitchens, and bedrooms of our lives.

More to come...

721

I don't know why, but I've been thinking a lot about my dad, my biological dad, lately. His AZ Highway Patrol badge number was 721, and I've been seeing that number a lot lately, mostly on my phone at 7:21am and 7:21pm.

I wonder what he would look like now that he would be in his 60s. Would his hair be sandy grey? Would he still love peanut butter? How would his life experiences have shaped his faith and walk with God? What would his friends be like? What would our relationship be like? Would we be close? Would I confide in him? Would I ask him for advice on life and love and hard things? What would it be like to stand next to his 6 foot 7 inch frame? Would I feel small?

When I see 721, I always think of him. I think of him when I hear the verse about "cloud of witnesses" in Hebrews 12. His faith still impacts my faith today: though it was short-lived, it was bright and vibrant and spoken. I wonder if my faith will ever have that same reflection?

Reminders of him are always sweet and sometimes poignant for the reasons above. I sometimes long for eternity, where a lot of these questions will be answered.

Open up my eyes

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
~ Hillsong

hard

I keep getting reminded that basically everything this side of eternity is hard.

• being successful at work = hard
• finding time and focus to study scripture = hard
• cultivating and protecting friendships = hard
• cultivating and protecting family relationships = hard
• distance and separation = hard
• keeping animals healthy = hard
• keeping in shape = hard
• planning the future = hard
• keeping the house clean = hard
• keeping vehicles in good running = hard

I've found myself complaining, some verbally and a lot internally, about how hard everything is.  I need grace and strength to acknowledge that life is hard, and yet not make that my focus. My focus needs to be on the blessings and bounty I do have in this life. And... keeping this focus = hard.

Advice from Mr. Darcy

I've been struggling with motivation at work lately. Not entirely sure why, but I do know that it's super annoying.

As I was thinking about my lack of motivation this morning, while patting Mr. Darcy, I realized he shows many characteristics that would do me well in finding some of my missing motivation:

• Focus, focus, focus
• Intensity
• Takes naps
• Up early
• Enthusiastic (about everything)
• Cheerful (about most things)
• Always wants to go along
• Bouncy energy

The nap part is most compelling at this point.

Differences

Are you an internal processor or a verbal processor? Do you think before you act or act before (while) you're thinking?

Internal processing = need time alone, in the quiet, to think through past events and future plans, and everything else in between.

External processing = need to verbally express with another or others to think through past events and future plans, and everything else in between.

 

Are you in the left-hand side of the box? You're most likely an introvert. And you probably have a hard time understanding those in the right side of the box -- how could they possibly have so much to say? Do they ever consider their actions before taking them? Could they ever be quiet for just ten minutes? You probably tend toward a certain level of arrogance in the level of self-control you exude and your ability to give a calculated and mature response. 

Are you in the right side of the box? You're most likely an extrovert. And you probably cannot even fathom how the left side even gets anything done, let alone has any fun. You wonder why they are so quiet, reclusive, boring, and unengaged. You probably tend toward a certain lack of tact because what comes out of your mouth is in time with or ahead of what you're thinking. 

The two descriptions above are somewhat "tongue-in-cheek" and obviously HUGE generalizations. However, from my limited observation on life and those around me, I think some of this awareness can help with our own enjoyment and understanding of others. This can then lead to knowing how to better accept them and love them, while seeing and accepting the differences between us. 

$21 pair of jeans

bought an $80 pair of jeans the other day for $21. and they fit!

a struggle of late (perhaps for a lifetime)

Hope and Help

Irresolute I find myself

Wandering between love of earth

And of Heaven.

Focused on one, but forgetting

The other.

Focused on the other, and forgetting

The One.

How do I find contentment in both? 

Earth, in all its verdant beauty, beckons

Me to dig in and accept her for all her faults

And adventures. But my heart gets caught in

The rain and I run for shelter. 

The shelter I find in visions of Heaven

Where neither moth nor rust can

Destroy friendships or treasures. Resolute  

To stay in the shelter, I’m called back. 

Called back to love the Earth and my fellow

Creatures, cultivating fields of rock and rich

Soil. Opening my soul to the refinement that

Will take place in those fields. Looking

Toward the Creator of Heaven, and clinging

To the Anchor of my soul; my feet digging into

Earthy dust while my eyes look to the

Heavens, where Hope and Help come forth.

from a favorite book

If we love God and wish to serve Him, let us try to be like Him, to do His work, to labour for His glory, which is the good of man, to hasten the coming of His kingdom, which is the peace, and happiness of all the world - however powerless we may seem to be, in doing all the good we can through life, the humblest of us may do much towards it; and lets us dwell in love, that He may dwell in us, and we in Him.

Should I shrink from the work that God had set before me, because it was not fitted to my taste? Did not He know best what I should do, and where I ought to labour? and should I long to quit His service before I had finished my task, and expect to enter into His rest without having laboured to earn it? "No; by His help I will arise and address myself diligently to my appointed duty."

The best way to enjoy yourself is to do what is right, and hate nobody. The end of Religion is not to teach us how to die, but how to live; and the earlier you become wise and good, the more of happiness you secure.

from the book Agnes Grey by Anne Bronte

Marks of a spiritual leader

For the leaders in my life, both the formal ones and the informal ones. I especially like the last point.

• If you want to be a great leader of people, you have to get away from people to be with God. 
• Spiritual leaders have a holy discontentment with the status quo. 
• Leaders must be able to digest depression because they will eat plenty of it. 
• On tactfulness: there is a big difference between saying "your foot is too big for this shoe" and "this shoe is too small for your foot". 

a little gem by John Piper that I found in an old journal

Monday morning

• wake up
• be thankful
• be approachable
• complain less
• smile, really smile
• start early and go long
• go beyond expectations
• have a sense of urgency
• be resourceful
• be resilient
• no excuses
• remember Who you work for

I don't recall the source of this list and can't take credit for it.

Simple but not easy.

• respect those who labor among you
• be at peace among yourselves
• admonish the idle
• encourage the faint-hearted
• help the weak
• be patient with them all
• see that no one repays evil for evil
• always seek to do good to one another and to everyone
• rejoice always
• pray without ceasing
• give thanks in all circumstances (for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you)
• do not quench the Spirit
• do no despise prophecies 
• test everything
• hold fast to what is good
• abstain from every form of evil

(from 1 Thess 5:12-22) 

God is easily pleased but never content (with our current state of maturity). Matt Cassidy

Weird week

What a weird work trip last week. I spent the weekend sorting through it and here are my observations and thoughts:

My observations:

•  I was sitting in two "bull pen" areas, large work rooms, where most of the IBMers sit at the client site -- I've been purposely sitting in these two areas so I can meet some of the other team members.
• There are pockets of extreme negativity on this account. I was at a happy hour table with four or five of them at the hotel one night on the trip and the bitching continued there. It doesn't stop with the IBMers -- it's on the client side, too.
• One of the guys on the team I'm going to have to be careful with -- he's a player and is trying to play me -- not buying. No need to worry, just a bit of prayer for grace. (I mean, I don't mind the male attention, just probably not that kind a whole 30 min after we met.)
• Met my co-worker from Brazil for dinner -- such a great experience. She was visiting her cousin in the States and it worked out that we were in the same city at the same time. We've been talking on conference calls for about 4 years and finally got to meet in person. She is as lovely in person as she is on the phone.
• Then sitting in the other IBM bull pen on another day last week, one of the people just abruptly left -- she was surprising everyone with her goodbyes and then I heard we have a huge layoff going on, so I suspect that's what that was about. 
• The customer site is designed in a grid with lots of criss-crossing, very narrow  hallways. People there walk really fast and they run into each other, literally all the time. Architectural fail.

My thoughts: 

• This corporate world is so strange and cold sometimes. And so many people have only this to live for. And that makes me sad. And makes me want to stick around and build relationships so I can show them another Way.
• As I sat with a VP last week in one of our meetings, discussing the projects he wants me to dive into, I kept thinking "Lord, you have the wrong person. I'm not equipped for this." I was reminded by a dear friend after church that that's the same thing Moses said when God called him in the desert. Not that I have a Moses-sized calling on my life, but it was good to be reminded that God often calls the fearful and unprepared to do His work.
• I find that on these work trips, I'm driven closer to the Lord, mostly out of sheer need. That's a really uncomfortable place to be, but a good one, too. 
• I don't know why God picked this desert for me to go into, but He nevertheless has and has given me (challenging) opportunities inside it. Now I must go forward with focus and obedience and trust Him with the rest.

sunset ride

these photos were taken at Granger Lake, by Tiffany Palmer

treasure

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise;

Thou mine inheritance, now and always;

Thou and thou only, first in my heart,

High King of heaven, my treasure thou art.

 

3rd stanza of Be Thou My Vision

thrifty, con't

I bought a $40 sweater this weekend for $11.

I should also start making a list of all the things I didn't buy. That all counts as being thrifty, too, right?

on being challenged

I'm traveling to Chicago this week to a new client. This will also include a new work team. New location. New responsibilities. New demands. New expectations. Unknown challenges. Unknown opportunities.

I don't like change. It depresses me. I like things in my life to be normal, routine-based, rhythmic, and predictable. But I'm learning that life on this earth doesn't operate that way at all.

I look forward to eternity where things won't change and where I'll be with the Unchanging God who loves my soul.

It seems that because He loves my soul, He continues to keep me uncomfortable and challenged. For this is where I change and grow. That is where I'm most aware of His Unchangeableness (and I may have just made up a word). When I'm challenged, I keep my eyes on Him. When I'm comfortable, I, well, get comfortable and develop a false sense of security in the material things around me.

So here's to being uncomfortable and challenged!

"If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you." Zig Ziglar

excerpts from a book

I'm reading an incredible book. Below are excepts from chapter 2.

Proud people always feel that they can live independently from God and from other people. Proud people feel entitled to do what they want when they want to. 

Our hearts will become hard to the whispers of God if we turn our backs on those who have less than we do. 

Modesty and discretion are not old-fashioned values. They are God's standards. 

Sexuality isn't about what we do in bed. Sexuality encompasses a whole range of needs, demands, and desires. Sexuality is more a symptom of our life's condition than a cause, more a consequence than an origin. 

While sin in not contained by logical categories of progression, nonetheless, sin is progressive. That is, while sin does not stay contained by type or trope, if ignored, excused, or enjoyed, sin grows and spreads like poison ivy. 

The truth is, outside of Christ, I am a manipulator, liar, power-monger, and controller. 

Conversion didn't "fit" my life. Conversion overhauled my soul and personality. It was arduous and intense. I experienced with great depth the power and authority of God in my life. In it I learned - and am still learning - how to love God with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind. When you die to yourself, you have nothing from your past to use as clay out of which to shape your future.

I fear the consequence of easy believism that typifies modern evangelical culture. 

Sin in not a mistake. A mistake is taking the wrong exit on the highway. A sin is treason against a Holy God. A mistake is a logical misstep. Sin lurks in our heart and grabs us by the throat to do its bidding. Sin roots not in outward behaviors, but in patterns of thinking.

we repent and we serve.  (Matt 3:2 and 8)

Jesus himself warns us against failing to count the costs of discipleship or of testing ourselves in the faith (Matt 7:21-23)

nobody goes into battle alone. Sanctification - growing in Christ - is always both personal and communal. We need one another. Our faith struggles and our successes are part of the Body of Christ, not possessed by our own little kingdom. This Christian life was war - of this I was certain. Who in her right mind...would go to war without an army? 

real learning depends on our quest for real knowledge...Knowledge depends on the renewal of our minds. 

Learn how to fall on your face and pick yourself up. Learn to look up, act on faith that the Big Picture has purpose. 

I discovered that God through Jesus Christ exists, the triune God of the Bible exists, whether we acknowledge him or not. 

we all need to be anchored in something bigger than we are. 

a powerful lesson about evangelism: the integrity of our relationships matters more than the boldness of our words. 

When I examined my feelings against the rugged Cross, I realized that the failure was wrapped in relief. Whatever was God's providence for me, it was his to lay out and mine to obey. No longer did I have to invent myself. 

Even as a believer, it is easy to become people-pleasing instead of God-pleasing. 

Faith and worldview are intimately intertwined. Our peace, love, courage, longsuffering, and life-works, lock-step with our Christian worldview and the faith that undergirds it. 

She approached me one day and said, "I didn't give a damn about who God was to you in your happiness. But now that you are suffering, I want to know: who is your God? Where is he in your suffering?" 

There is no finer resolution to a faith test than genuine Christian ministry. The still small voice of God was speaking to me, right now, through my student. I was there because God picked me up and put me there. It was time to wipe the sleep out of my eyes and do something. 

God gives and God takes away and does it for our good.

from The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert by Rosaria Butterfield

Jon Foreman - Your Love Is Strong

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Chorus (3x):
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

(Chorus 3x)

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

Peace and pain

I recently made the impossibly hard decision to give my horse Wilbur to my friend Shelly. This decision had a long approach, a long runway, and a quick take off.

I have had two wonderful horses for five years now and as Caspian grew into the great horse he has become, it became more and more apparent that I just didn't need two horses, financially or logistically.

Caspian has grown into my "go-to" horse and Wilbur was getting less and less attention. Shelly bought her dream farm last Fall and now has the perfect facility to take Wilbur on. While the makings of this decision were a long time coming (2+ years), the actual execution was quick and painful.

I've learned through this that you can have complete peace surrounding a decision and still have deep accompanying pain. Peace and pain do co-exist, and together they produce a strange mix of hope and hurt.

awe-filled obedience

The fear of the Lord is awe-filled obedience to the Holy One, who has only to look at us to dissolve us but who instead has loved us and given himself for us. It is to put pleasing him before any other concern in our lives, being fully aware that our relationship to him is the only factor in life that will determine our destiny.

God will be a force in our lives in one way or another. He will either be a positive force or a negative one. He cannot be avoided. Either he will be the sanctuary we rest in secure from everything the world can throw at us, or he will be the thing we keep stumbling over.

John Oswalt, NIV Application Commentary

Decisions

Jess figuring out her next career move.

The only one jumping

Remember this post?

My sweet family members did it again: we all agree to do something and I'm the only one gullible enough to actually do it.

A year of being thrifty

journals restocked.

tempted

to falsely date a blog entry for December, so I have my consecutive months running. But alas, I won't. This will go down as the first time in this blog's history where I missed a month. Bummer.

A year of being thrifty

Books: four free ebooks by Beth Moore